


Fictitious

by soundsofmymind



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Coma, Fluff, Homophobia, M/M, Mental Hospital, Parent Death, Phan AU, Suicide, dream - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 14:24:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15997052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soundsofmymind/pseuds/soundsofmymind
Summary: Daniel Howell was admitted to the mental hospital because of early childhood PTSD. While there he meets Phil, another patient and his only friend. From that friendship blooms a beautiful romance. But, one day Dan wakes up without his beloved Phil. He must find out where he went.





	Fictitious

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this one a while ago and I really like it. It took me ages to write. Hope you enjoy!!

Dan woke up in the same white room in the same white bed as always. His world was almost devoid of color. The only source of light and color in his life is one Mr. Phil Lester. Phil was a fucking rainbow and Dan was a single cloud. Polar opposites but still connected. Dan scrambled to his feet at the thought of seeing his blue eyed angel. He got dressed faster than Sonic the Hedgehog. He saw Phil sitting alone in the cafeteria sipping a Ribena. He smiled as he sat next to the boy. 

"You know, I was going to sit with the cool kids but their table was full so I came to the only open table." Dan joked with a playful smirk. Phil laughed and gave him a loving peck.

"Glad to be your second choice." They bantered like this for the whole breakfast period. When they finished, they walked, fingers intertwined, back to their room. They had been roommates ever since the day they arrived. They arrived on the same day but seperately, almost 10 years ago. They were 8 years of age upon arrival. The pair never bothered to make other friends. They had each other, and that has always been enough.

Dan and Phil plopped down on their beds. They had been roommates since the day they came. The 4 white walls had felt so confining, but Phil made the space more open and full of life, as he did with everything in Dan's life. The two boys cuddled up on Dan's bed listening to MCR. Music was one of the few things they were allowed to have with them. The only TV in the entire building was in the rec room which always smelled of feet. Dan didn't mind though, Phil was all the entertainment he would ever need. Phil turned off the music suddenly and turned to face Dan.

"We should go on a date." Dan only gave him a confused look in response. "You know like a proper, eat together at a fancy restaurant type thing. We really haven't done much other than hang in the cafeteria or in our room." Phil said. 

"Oh Phil, I'd love to. But, we can't even get to a restaurant. We can't leave the building." Dan said with a pout. A mischievous grin crept across Phil's face.

"Leave that to me." And with that, he left. Leaving Dan all alone with his thoughts. Dan decided to get lunch and have a nap. he was only about 2 hrs into the nap when he was awoken by a knock at the door. Dan was confused. Phil had a key and he didn't have any other friends. Begrudgingly, he got up and walked across the room to the door. He opened the door and was greeted by air. There wasn't anyone there. He looked down and saw a single envelope. He looked in every direction for the sender. The nurses usually don't hand out mail until Wednesday. He picked up the envelope, slightly confused. He plopped down on his bed and ripped open the letter. It read:

Dear Mr. Howell,

You are cordially invited to attend dinner with Mr. Lester. Please wear your fanciest attire. We will be dining in the gymnasium. Take a left from your abode and it will be the third door on your left. Meet me at 6 pm sharp. Not a moment too soon, or too late. I look forward to meeting your acquaintance.

Humbly yours,

Phillip Michael Lester

Dan laughed at Phil's attempt to be fancy. God my boyfriend is the most adorable person in existence. He thought fondly. He turned to the clock and realizes that he only had 15 minutes to get ready. He scrambled to his closet and flung the doors open. He searched for anything even remotely fancy but came up virtually empty handed. He settled on a shirt with a tuxedo printed on it, black jeans (sans rips) and some black ankle high combat boots. He followed Phil's direction to the vacant gymnasium. He saw his gorgeous angelic boyfriend standing next to a single circular table. The table was draped with a white tablecloth. A single rose in a vase sat at the center, it was set for two. Dan stared in awe at the amazing set. Phil ran up to greet him. Dan's stare of disbelief now switched from the table to his boyfriend. Phil was dressed in a classic black tux with a white shirt and matching black bowtie. His shoes were also classic black dress shoes. Phil's usual messy fringe had been brushed and swept to the right. He was... stunning. Phil laughed at Dan's awestruck expression. 

"Welcome Mr. Howell. Please take your seat, dinner will be served momentarily." Dan laughed as Phil ran ahead to pull Dan's chair out for him to sit in. Dan sat in the chair as Phil pushed the chair in and ran away, most likely to check on their food. Phil came back soon after wheeling a food cart to the table. He placed a plate filled with all of Dan's favorite foods on it on the table. It was a delicious aroma. Dan laughed when he saw one particular item on the plate. British pancakes. Dan and Phil had baked these together once, ending in a total disaster. But, the ones Phil handed Dan were obviously store bought and therefore safe to eat. Phil finally finished setting out the food and sat down. He gestured at the mouthwatering spread. "Bon Appetit." He said. They dug in. Everything was so delicious that Dan moaned with delight. 

"Phil, did you do this all by yourself... for me?" Dan said. Phil laughed as bits of food tumbled out of Dan's mouth.

"You really shouldn't talk with your mouth full, Bear. But, yeah of course I did. I wanted to do something special for my special gnome."

"But, Phil, I don't deserve all this. You really shouldn't have..." 

Phil cuts Dan off by grabbing his hand and looking at him with the intensity of 1,000 red hot flames. "Dan, you are ALWAYS worth it. You are the most special thing in my life. I wouldn't trade you for anything. Because I love you Dan." Dan snuggles into Phil.

"God you're such a spork sometimes." Dan said with a chuckle. "But I love you too Angel Bean." Then their lips collided. They were kissing desperately and passionately, as though by letting go of each other, they let go completely. Phil whispered in Dan's ear.

"To be continued in our room?" And then Dan was practically dragging Phil out of the gym. When they arrived Phil smashed Dan against the door as he locked their lips together. They pushed the door open and fell onto Phil's bed. Phil was on top of Dan. Phil tugged lightly at the edge of Dan's shirt. Dan ripped it off and ripped Phil's off too. It didn't go much farther after that, because nurses could walk in at any moment, but Dan reveled in the skin to skin contact. He trailed kisses down Phil's neck slowly and then worked his way down his stomach to his hip and then returned to his lips. Phil's tongue traced Dan's lips asking for entrance. Dan granted him passage and the kisses intensified as the tongues collide. Dan remembers falling asleep in a jubilant state, safe in the arms of Phil Lester.

—

"Daaaaan. Dan. Dan. Dan, wake up Bear." Dan's eyes fluttered open to reveal Phil Lester's gorgeous face staring at him. Dan smiled warmly.

"Morning Angel Bean." He said giving Phil a quick kiss. "Let's go get breakfast and cuddle, yeah?" Phil smiled fondly at the suggestion.

"It's visiting day, remember? I'm going to be out all day with my mum and dad." Dan shot up at the realization. He looked at Phil in alarm.

"V-Visiting day?" Dan began violently shaking. Phil hugged him in an attempt to calm him.

"Look, I know you didn't have the best relationship but I know your dad means well. And you still get to see Rose right?" Dan nods but continues to tremble. Phil stays with him until he is strong enough to get ready and greet the day.

Dan and Phil walked out of their room with fingers intertwined. However, the sight in front of them made Dan's blood run cold and his feet stop dead in their tracks. There, in the waiting room was Dan's dad, staring at his phone. Next to him sat an anxious looking 13 year old girl tapping on the chair with anticipation. Rose. Dan smiled at the thought of seeing his sister. But, the thought of seeing his dad made his breaths shaky and rapid. Phil seemed to notice this, because he turned Dan's body to face him. 

"Dan. Dan, hey." Phil cooed and lifted Dan's chin to look at him. "He can't hurt you here. The nurses will ensure that you are safe, ok?" Phil said planting a gentle kiss on his forehead. He would have to leave Dan, his family was waiting. And Dan didn't want to be the reason for Phil not seeing his family. So, once Dan was calm, Phil kissed him goodbye and Dan walked up to the disgruntled man and enthusiastic child.

"H-H-Hi." Dan stammered. The two people looked up. A wide grin spread across the girl's face.

"DANNY!!!" She screamed and threw her arms around him. He melted into her embrace. Their hello was cut short by an audible scoff. Dan looked up to see his Dad's impatient eyes glaring at him.

"Took you long enough." His dad grumbles. It took all of Dan's willpower not to punch the man. He would have to be calm, for Rose. The three then proceeded to enjoy some food in the cafeteria. Rose listened intently to Dan's fanciful tales about his escapades with Phil. She hung onto ever last word. His dad however, was rude and inconsiderate. 

"So, this 'love' of yours, are you worthy of him?" Dan blushed a furious crimson but managed to nod anyway.

"When are you coming home Dan?" His sister asked, trying to salvage the conversation.

"I don't know, Red. But, in the meantime, would you like a tour of my room?" Dan replied, playing along. He threw in her nickname to try and ease the tension. She nodded vigorously at the offer. Their dad decided to stay behind which was fine with Dan. He was excited to finally see his sister without the ominous shadow of disappointment looming overhead. Dan opened the door of his and Phil's room. His sister's jaw hit the floor as she stared at the white walls. It really wasn't much to look at but it seemed to mean the world to Rose. Dan tackled her onto the bed, catching her off guard in her state of bewilderment.

"TICKLE FIGHT!!!" He declared. Rose screamed and giggled as her older brother began tickling her mercilessly. Her giggles ceased as a dark silhouette appeared in the doorway. Their dad looked just as cross as ever.

"Rose, I think it's time for us to leave."

"Awwwww. But dad, I barely got to see Da..."

"ROSE DEVYN-LILY HOWELL I SAID IT'S TIME TO GO, NOW!!!!" Rose scurried out of the room, only managing to give Dan a small wave.

"You don't need to yell at her. She did nothing wrong." Dan said calmly despite his boiling anger.

"I don't need your snarky comments, mister. I must say I was disappointed in today's visit. You've become more lazy and worthless than before, if it's even possible." His dad replied definitively. Dan tried desperately to contain his rage. Alas, his attempted were in vain.

"You know what, SCREW YOU. EVER SINCE I WAS DIAGNOSED YOU'VE GIVEN ME NOTHING BUT SHIT AND I'M DONE. Get out of my room." Dan screamed. His dad turned to leave and Dan collapsed into a sobbing mess on his bed. Phil returned 2 hours later to see Dan curled up in a ball and shaking violently. He ran to his side and wrapped his arms around his ghostly, frail body. Dan wished Phil could shield him from the world. Encase him in a warm embrace. But, the most Phil could offer was comfort. That was enough for Dan. As long as he had Phil, his world would always be bright.

***

Dan woke up blissful, he had always loved the feeling of falling asleep next to Phil. The only thing better than falling asleep with Phil Lester is waking up with Phil Lester. But, Dan felt a strange absence upon rising. He realized that Phil's strong arms were no longer clutching him. Dan shot straight up only to realize that he wasn't even in his room let alone his boyfriend's embrace. He tried to stand but was tethered to various tubes which prevented him from rising. He was definitely in some sort of hospital, judging by the blank white walls and various machines beeping and whirring. He had no memory of his arrival. He heard a creak and whipped his head around to face the direction the sound came from. In the doorway was a woman in an aqua blue scrub (Obviously a nurse), frozen in shock.

"H-How long have you been awake?" She asked. Dan tried to respond but only managed to conjure up a strange croaking noise. "Don't move." She said lamely as she left. He couldn't have moved even if he wanted to. She returned about 5 minutes later with a doctor and a cup of water. Dan graciously excepted the cup as the doctor began to examine his throat. 

"Well, there doesn't appear to be any damage," He declared. "now Dan, I need you to really concentrate on speaking. We need to ensure that you don't need an x-ray." Dan nodded and started attempting to form a sentence. He tried for what seemed like an eternity. And just as he was about to give up, words came tumbling out of his mouth.

"Where's Phil?" The doctor turned to him in surprise.

"Yes! Your vocal cords are still in tact. We don't need to perform the x-ray."

"Where's Phil?" Dan repeated, demanding answers. The doctor and nurse exchanged a concerned glance. 

"Who... is Phil?" The nurse asked.

"M-M-My boyfriend." Dan replied. The nurses gaze softened with sympathy.

"Well, I'm going to call your family and tell them you're awake. You can ask them where Phil is then, ok?" Dan nodded but his expression was tainted with hints of confusion. His sister and father would have no clue where Phil is. But, Dan knew it would be easier on everyone if he complied. Dan's family arrived shortly afterwards, following the 20 minutes Dan spent impatiently waiting. Rose came in first and threw her arms around Dan and broke down into tears.

"It's been so long since I last saw you." Dan was confused by this notion because they had seen each other yesterday. But, he chose to be quiet once more. His sister was in a fragile state. He dad came into the room crying. He also wrapped his arms around Dan and Rose. If all else hadn't been confusing enough then this was the icing on the cake. Dan's dad hadn't been affectionate since mum left. And the sudden change of heart frightened Dan a little.

After Dan's disconcerting visit from his family the doctor came in to talk to Dan's dad. Dan pulled Rose aside.

"Rose, where is Phil?" Dan asked. He was greeted by yet another confused look.

"What are you talking about Dan? Who is Phil?" Rose inquired. Dan was shocked that she did not know. He recalled her mouth hanging open as he recalled his and Phil's escapades only yesterday.

"He's my boyfriend, Rose. Don't you remember?" Dan replied. Rose shot him another confused look accompanied by concern.

"No, Dan. I do not recall being told about a boyfriend named Phil. I don't even recall knowing you were gay."

"Bi, actually. And I told you the second I met Phil at the mental hospital 8 years ago." Dan said matter of factly. Rose was now visibly overwhelmed with concern and she practically ran to the doctor. He came back with Dan's father and sister following close behind. The doctor's voice was filled with mock compassion.

"Dan, what do you remember from before you awoke in the hospital?" The doctor asked. His voice dripping with sympathy plastered on to seem genuine. Dan recounted everything he knew. From his elleged arrival at the mental institution all the way up to the fight with his dad and falling asleep in Phil's arms. He heard his dad whimper and break at the mention of their quarrell. The doctor listened intently, holding onto every word as though they were the last words Dan would ever utter. After that the doctor asked a few more questions about what he remembered before the mental hospital and for a detailed description of the institution. Dan answered each one to the best of his ability though he didn't remember much before the mental hospital. He remembered having a good life until his mom's death. Which was around the time he was sent to the mental hospital. His mom died in a car crash. Dan was only 10 when it happened. He knew that he loved his mom very much and that her death nearly broke him. He had been in the mental hospital for suicidal tendencies after he had attempted many times since her death. The doctor took notes as Dan spoke. After he became satisfied with the information he gathered he stood up to exit and told Dan to "rest up". Dan happily obligued and drifted into a deep slumber. He dreamed of finding his prince charming, of locating his angel of the night. Dan dreamed of seeing Phil's sweet blue eyes and touching his soft black hair. Dan dreamed of Phil's perfect body that constantly made him swoon. He dreamt of coming into contact with every inch of the beautiful boy. 

He dreamt of seeing Phil and finally locating the piece of him that had been missing far too long.

—

Dan awoke to the sight of his family and various doctors crowding his bed. He immediately tensed up. The crowd then finally noticed that he had stirred. 

"Ah Dan, so glad you are awake because we need to have a chat." A lump formed in Dan's throat. He was nervous about what would happen next. In these situations, the news was rarely good, and by the look on everyone's face, this would be no exception.

"Dan, all your memories, of the mental hospital, everything after your mother's accident, they're, not real." Dan wasn't sure how to respond. He had so many questions but his mouth was dry and unable to produce sound. "You were never in that mental hospital. You didn't even have enough time to miss your mom, let alone go crazy with grief. Dan, you were in the car crash." All the color and feeling drained from Dan's body, leaving him partially hollowed out. He felt like he was suffocating, shattering, submerging. "You came to the hospital, having sustained multiple head injuries and several broken bones. We couldn't have saved you in time, our only option was to force you into a medically induced coma. We managed to repair all the damage to your body but you stayed asleep. You've been sleeping for the past 8 years." Dan was now hyperventilating, desperately searching for air. Every time he thought he found some, it managed to elude his grasp. The doctor tried to get him relatively calm before continuing. "All that you remember, the mental institution, Phil, all of it, it never happened. You happened to fall victim to the worlds longest and most realistic dream." Dan suddenly stopped hyperventilating, because he stopped trying to breathe altogether. A world without Phil? Was that even a world worth living in at all? The doctor patted Dan on the shoulder. "I know this is a lot to take in." Yeah, no shit. "We'll give you some time alone." Dan remained still. He was pondering the complexity of Phil's existence, or lack there of. How did his mind dream up such a perfect boy, and why? Why, when in the end, he would just be ripped away. Dan let out a bloodcurdling scream and punched the wall out of shear rage. He looked down and saw a tangled mess of various blacks and blues that was spreading slowly across his knuckles. He continued to punch the wall until the crimson overran the blacks and blues and dripped onto the white sheets. Dan broke down into sobs on the bed. Every piece that he worked to put together fell away to reveal an emaciated soulless life form. He was broken beyond repair. His last tether to reality finally snapped. Dan withered away, his whole being scattered in shattered pieces on the ground. He felt hollowed out and empty. The world faded to black and white. As the color left his soul, so to was it drained from his universe. His entire existence robbed of all light, sound, and vibrance.

—

Dan woke up shivering. He looked to see the thermostat was cranked to 22*C. That wasn't why he was shivering, and Dan knew it. He was being chilled from the inside out. The ice from his broken soul were crystallizing and expelling themselves from his body, chilling his bones and frosting his breath. He sat up and noticed that breakfast had been set out on the bedside table. Dan did not have the will to live and therefore ignored the food. Phil had always helped Dan in these anxious situations. But, this time, Phil was the cause of the anxiety. Dan had no one to turn to. A plan began to form in his mind. He had to get out of the hospital, then he could put his plan in action.

Over the next week, Dan got, "better". He ate his food, was lively and social, he even took the prescribed medication and seemed to be responding well to it. Within a matter of 7 days, he was cleared to go home. Phase 1 of his plan was complete.

—

 

His dad brought him home the next day. They showed him his room. They hadn't moved a thing since Dan was last there 8 years ago. It didn't matter anyway. He wasn't going to be there for it.

—

Dear Finder of Said Letter,  
I Dan Howell am writing this because I am going to die. I can't live in this world when the only world I've known for the past 8 years doesn't even exist. I have never been depressed but I don't feel like I belong in this world. The love of my life wasn't there to catch me when I fell. There are a couple of messages I want you to pass on.  
To my Dad: I know that you feel like you weren't there for me as a kid, and you are right. Even in the dream where I could have had any dad I want, you weren't the dad I needed. But, I know that if I had given you the chance, you would have rose to the occasion and been a really amazing Dad. However, that is not enough consolation to convince me to stay. I just want you to know that this isn't your fault. I love you  
To my sister, Rose: You were the light of my life. Before I met Phil, you were the thing that solely kept me going. Even then, I still had a pain eating away at me. Phil managed to stop that pain while you only dulled it. And that is why I cannot stay. I want you to know that I love you and this isn't your fault either. This is all because of me.  
I'm sorry everyone  
\- Dan

—

As Dan stared out into the brown, murky abyss of the River Thames, he regretted his decision for a split second. That split second was over when Phil's caring face appeared in the water. Reminding Dan what the ultimate goal was. To see his true love and be wrapped in his warm embrace once more. Dan closed his eyes and walked blissfully forward until no more ground was available beneath his feet. As he plummeted, he thought about Phil.

—

When Dan opened his eyes again everything was white except for two seas of blue staring at him. Dan wrapped his arms around the blue eyed figure. He knew he was dreaming, but this time, he didn't have to worry about waking up.


End file.
